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The saga of one man's quest to achieve Microsoft Certification and live to tell about it...but he failed, so now you can read about his regular life instead |
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McDBAs of Our Lives
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Tuesday, February 05, 2002
Semi-resume for RV:
SQL Server database and ASP web developer. No longer working at his job, (did something SCANDALOUS, won't tell you what it is though because your imagination is juicier than the truth), and could really use another one because...well, my lease requires me to pay rent. They're funny like that.
Well, let's see now: plenty of jobs at Monster.com, Dice.com, HotJobs.com, oooooooooooo, look, a shitload more money than what I made at my last job! WHAT? I can do that with my eyes closed! Sign me up for that job!
And so I did.
And waited...
And waited...
Hmmm, maybe they don't know how to use email (most people working at technology companies don't, they're the ones that keeping spreading SirCam), I'll send them a copy by snail mail.
And wait...
And wait...
Wait a second, where is that ad? Let me call this #@!!$%# guy...Hello sir! My name is Rob Volk. No sir, I was talking to some other #@!!$%# guy, not you sir. Yes, I'm inquiring about the really-cool-well-paying job that you're offering on SuperDuperWebJobs.com and I sent my resume to you, uh, at least twice, oh, you received it! Well, I...whaddya mean, MCDBA required? IT'S AN ENTRY LEVEL POSITION! IT'S BENEATH ME! AND I'M NOT EVEN CERTIFIED! I JUST NEED THE MONEY, DAMMIT! Hello? Hellooooooo?
OK Rob, put down the phone book, you won't find this guy's address in it, put away the rifle too. Don't put that white powder in that envelope! Just calm down!
It seems that these #@!!$%# recruiters have sold their clients on the joys of hiring Microsoft Certified professionals to work on their projects. It's important that the CEO be able to play Solitaire on his computer while browsing his Outlook email on the web, and only a highly trained professional can provide him with such a solution. You Rob, however, are not one of these people, because you DON'T have that little piece of paper that says you are a Microsoft Cronie Doing Business As..., uh, I mean Microsoft Cretin Destroying Businesses Anti-competetively, I MEAN, Microsoft Certified Database Administrator!
Now how do I get such a piece of paper?????
To be continued....
19:57
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